DadVice 3: Revolutions

It is time for another week of DadVice from the ShemWorld crew. You lucky, lucky people.

Question 1) How do I cope with the fact that some day I’ll die? I can’t seem to enjoy things knowing one day it’ll all be gone.

Shem says: Dying is just a part of life. You can’t control it. It will happen. What is the point of being concerned about it? ‘Delaying it’ – now, that I can understand. Do all you can to try and delay it, if you like. But you’re going to die. Sorry.

Mike says: The important thing is the journey, not the destination. Ask Tripitaka, or Monkey.

Rock says: What does it matter, once your gone you’ll either be in a better place and not give a fuck, or be incapable of giving a fuck due to being dead.

Question 2) My sister and ex-friend both stole from me at separate times (unaware of each other), it really shattered my trust in people. What type of people steal from someone who’s opened their home to them?!

Shem says: A variety of people steal. Sometimes necessity. Sometimes “because”. As you say, it shatters trust, like lying. Some people operate in a very isolated, “not considering others feelings” kind of way – and if you pull them up on it, may well lash out due to feelings of guilt. Talk about the double whammy – they do something bad to you, and then lash out if you call them out on it.

Mike says: Stab them. Stab them hard.

Rock says: There is a certain class of person, lets call them “drug addled crack whores” who’ll be perfectly personable and decent people, except they’ll strange their own nan for a whiff of what they want. You owe a duty of care to both them and yourself not to put them in a position where they can fuck you over. Other than that just be content that 99% of people wont fuck you over, and also dont need unfettered access to your stuff.

Question 3) How to address the fact that my roommate saw my morning wood?

Shem says: Are you the gender they’d be sexually interested in? If not – morning wood’s hardly a closely guarded secret. People get morning wood. Shit happens. If they might be interested, and you might be interested, wave it in their face and see what happens.

Mike says: Rock out with your cock out. It’s that, or feel the shame forever.

Rock says: Unless it’s 3 inches at full mast why is this even a question?

Question 4) How do I deal with wanting to date someone just to date someone?

Shem says: Don’t. It’s a really simple formula, really.

Don’t boredom eat, boredom smoke, boredom ‘do drugs’ or boredom ‘enter a relationship’.

Mike says: An hero. Failing that, find a goddamn hobby.

Rock says: There’s this thing people are doing nowadays where you get some one, or several someones, and you hang out and talk and shit. I think they’re called “friends”

Question 5) My ball got sucked into my body??? Help???

Shem says: If this is a case of undescended testes, go and see your Doctor. If it is a case that your testes descended, but have now retreated, go and see your Doctor. If your balls have otherwise taken leave – I’d still go and see your Doctor.

Mike says: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Also, don’t try and push it back yourself.

Rock says: Do a barrel roll and they’ll pop right back out again.

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