DadVice 5: A New Beginning

I am concerned that a coworker might become a workplace shooter. What should I do?

Shem: Do you have genuine concerns, here? If so, obviously speak to an authority figure where you work to share your concerns.

If you are instead making a mountain out of a molehill, perhaps chill the fuck out?

Mike: Shoot them first

Ex-girlfriend found out we’re going to the same event – and basically asked me not to go. What do I do?

Shem: Does she have a restraining order against you, and if not, should she?

If not, go. It’s your life.

Mike: Slap her with your dick

How do you deal with a co worker who acts like they are the manager?

Shem: I usually tell Mike to stop doing it.

Mike: I slap Shem and remind him I am the captain.

I need to socially withdraw for the time being. Any advice?

Shem: I did this when Twitter got too noisy. I went through my follows / followers, and soft-blocked the noise I didn’t need any more. If that is too much work, set up a new Twitter. Or, if you are feeling adventurous, forgo social media altogether.

The important thing is to do what you need to do. Listen to yourself, and do it.

Mike: Turn off Twitter, and become Bernie.

Weekend at Bernie’s

I am thirteen and I made my 17 year old cousin pregnant. What should I do?

Shem: …

Mike: Coat hanger. Or vodka and a hot bath.

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